Stop Making Decisions For Other People In Your Career
Image by Tachina Lee via Unsplash
How many times have you not applied for a job because you decided the hiring manager would think you didn’t have the right experience?
What about not putting yourself forward for a promotion or internal opportunity because you decided your boss would say No? Or not emailing someone at work to ask for their help because you decided it would annoy them.
This is what it means to make decisions for other people in your career.
These decisions are not ours to make and yet we make them over and over and over again - denying ourselves of the opportunity and denying the actual decision-maker their right to decide.
How do you know you wouldn’t have got the interview or been considered for the promotion? You don’t. But because you made the decision on everyone’s behalf, the outcome could only be a No.
In most other circumstances we understand it isn’t appropriate to make decisions for other people (all things considered), but every time you rule yourself out of a process or opportunity at work, that’s exactly what you are doing. We convince ourselves we’re being sensible, gracious or realistic when what we’re actually doing is shrinking ourselves.
It’s time to stop.
Dwelling In Your Comfort Zone
A little while ago I had a client who was talking herself out of reconnecting with some former colleagues. She’d recently moved back from some time overseas and was building the next stage of her career. She had a solid reputation and an incredible network she could draw on, but she kept talking herself out of contacting people. She didn’t want to inconvenience anyone or be bothersome.
What she was actually doing was short-changing herself and them.
There are two key issues in this type of scenario: You’re robbing people of their right to decide for themselves if they’d like to support you/consider your application/meet you for coffee/ have their brain-picked AND you are using their imaginary No as an excuse not to try.
When we make decisions for other people in this way, we convince ourselves that we’re saving everyone the hassle, when actually what we’re really doing is getting ourselves off the hook.
We’re dwelling in our comfort zone.
Growth and change does not happen in our comfort zone.
In the end, this particular client did reach out to people in her network. She put aside her discomfort, asked the questions and made the invitations. The response? 100% positive and supportive.
Don’t be afraid of the NOs
There will be people who say No.
People are allowed to. But people will also say Yes or Not-right-now or I-can’t-help-but-let-me-connect-you-with-such-and-such-who-can.
You can’t know for sure what someone’s answer will be until you ask. The only thing you can know for sure is that if you don’t ask, all you get is a default No.
No ask, no dice.
Someone’s future decision isn’t your business right now. Your only business is to take the action, ask the question, make the application - and do so in a way that gives people the best opportunity to make a solid and informed decision.
Once they’ve made their decision, then you can put some energy into addressing the real outcome, rather than worrying about an imaginary one.
NOs aren’t scary
A No is simply an invitation to regroup and try something else. Stop letting fear rob you of potential opportunities, just do the thing instead. Who knows what could happen.
Monique Shaw is an Executive Career & Leadership Coach and Brand Story Specialist helping passionate, frustrated and ambitious professionals create values-aligned careers, teams and businesses. Book a consult or get in touch to explore how she can support you.
